The World According to Martha

My mom (Martha) is a wonderful woman. She is a great Mom. A fantastic grandmother. A loyal friend.

She adores her family. She is the matriarch. She is the best hostess I know. She can make a house feel and look like a home.

However, she has a very unique and interesting way of viewing life. She has a lot of beliefs that shape her life--and others. I am not talking philosophy or religion. Just Martha-isms.

Here are a few:

• If something is missing from her house (a tube of lipstick or a drill bit), Missy took it. Actually, my dad is in on this one as well. I am not sure when exactly this happened, but somehow they both immediately accuse me of taking all lost items.

• If Missy or any of her children or even a stranger at the nail salon has a cold, Martha starts to feel a scratchy throat and sniffly nose. If Missy has the swine flu, Martha starts feeling feverish and achy all over. If Missy has morning sickness and constant nausea, Martha. . . you get the point.

• All the problems in the world --or at least in my house, would be solved if I would just have dinner prepared by 6:30. That is A.M.!! Seriously, she says this one about 3 times a month to me. She only had dinner ready that early like 3 times EVER!

• A baked potato can cure all. Upset tummy? Scratchy throat? Pink eye? You need a potato or potato soup. If that doesn't work, try a LifeSaver candy (the other cure-all).

• If anyone calls on call-waiting while I am talking to her, she immediately and abruptly ends our conversation to click over to talk with the other person--no matter who it is. A phone solicitation from the Republican Party? Good bye Missy.

• She has a sixth sense. She can tell at all times what temperature my baby is. He is either way too hot or freezing cold. Never just right. (this goes for all babies--not just mine!)

• She is convinced that all my fashion wants and needs can be satisfied at ColdWater Creek. Enough said.

• In reference to a woman being high maintenance or low maintenance: "Why would anyone ever want to be low maintenance?" There you go.

The truth is that these little quirks about Mom make her so much more interesting and fun. She would do anything for me and she adores my children (and all of her many grandchildren).

I Love you Mom!